It’s times once again for The National Toilet Weekly Podcast!
Episode 2 Friday April 1, 2011
Hello everybody, and welcome to The National Toilet – the podcast where we flush the worst of society down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not The National Toilet for the worst!
First up, clothing maker Abercrombie & Fitch, retailers best known for publishing catalogues of sexually provocative photos of underage models has come under fire for a new low: selling padded tops in their line of children’s bikinis. Now girls as young as seven years old can have body and sex issues just like mommy! These outfits join the children’s pimp and ho costumes which appeared on the marketplace a few years ago down the flusher.
Meanwhile – jobs! Or lack of. In the April Fools spirit, The U.S. Department of Labor, released their carefully massaged numbers to show 216,000 jobs gained in March. Behind that quote unquote good news is the fact that the U.S. would need to add as many jobs a month until the year 2019 to get back to pre-Recession levels. Since 2007, more than 7 million jobs have been…
Next, in the shithole this week is Kaba, makers of Simplex push-button locks, used in airports, hospitals and police stations around the country. It was revealed this week that the keyless locks, which cost between $200 - $1000 can be easily bypassed, using a common magnet. A class-action lawsuit accuses the company of deceptive trade practices, common-law fraud, negligence and product liability. Evidence submitted in the case show a person bypassing one of these locks in seconds, using only one hand and a small magnet, and leaving no trace of their break-in.
And – look who’s back! Britney!! It was revealed that Britney Spears had flushed herself down the toilet. That’s right, a scene cut from Jackass 3-D surfaced, showed Britney doing what she does best, bungee jumping while in a porta-potty overloaded with human shit. Why didn’t WE think of this sooner!
And from the Ready-for-the-Toilet-Even-Before-Its-Created Dept – Ex Governor/Bodybuilder/Bad Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is developing a superhero-themed comic book, cleverly entitled The Governator with Ex-Marvel Comic nerd Stan Lee. The comic promises to blend fact with fiction, as it will show Arnold battling crime and other social ills with a secret high-tech crime-fighting center under his house in Brentwood. Hey guys – don’t even bother finishing this one – send it straight to the…
And, finally, are you ready for some SHUT DOWN? That’s right – unless The Republican assholes relent, the US Government will run out of money April 8, and slowly begin to shut itself down. The budget battle, which has been looming for months with the Republicans holding out for more draconian cuts in spending, citing their allegiance to the fictitious Tea Party, which coincidentally held a rally yesterday in Washington. The number of Tea Partiers in attendance? 200. The people’s voice has been heard!
Well, holy shit! Our second installment of The National Toilet is now over. Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/nationalWC and subscribe to this podcast in iTunes. Goodnight!
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