The National Toilet Episode 5 - 4/21/11

It’s time once again for The National Toilet Weekly Podcast!

Episode 5 – Friday April 22, 2011

Hello, everybody and welcome to The National Toilet, the podcast where we take the worst of society and flush it down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not The National Toilet for the worst?

First up in The Toilet – The Nation’s mood. A recent NY Times/CBS Poll shows that Americans level of pessimism and anxiety to be at their highest levels in two years. The percentage of Americans who think the economy has gotten worse has risen 13% in one month. Seventy-five percent of respondents think Congress is doing a shitty job. Seventy percent think the country is heading in the wrong direction. With three illegal wars raging, job growth stagnating, gridlock in Congress, and the infrastructure continuing to crumble, who can blame them?

Next up, the new adult beverage Blast! Made by Colt 45 and endorsed by Snoop Doggy Dogg, this syrupy concoction boasts 12 percent alcohol in a 23.5 ounce can – the equivalent of 5 beers. Coming in flavors such as watermelon, blueberry and pomegranate, this beverage is clearly being marketed to young and underage drinkers. This week, nineteen states demanded the beverage maker alter the recipe or face the prospect of a prospective ban. Spokespeople for Blast could not be reached – perhaps they are too intoxicated to respond.

And look who’s here – it’s Lady GaGa! This homely, shrill, talent-less ripoff released the cover of her new album! Entitled “Born this Way” – the hideous black and white photo shows Lady GaGa’s snarling face superimposed onto some kind of human/motorcycle hybrid. The song “Born This Way” which was purportedly an empowering song for Lesbians and Gays to rally behind – now seems to suggest that Homosexuality is a grotesque mutation. Lady Gaga – if you are truly Born This Way you need to be…

And, finally, this week marks the one year anniversary of the Deep Water Horizon spill in the Gulf.  Lest we forget - BP, leasing a rig from TransOcean and approved by Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar – negligently managed their operations until it literally blew up in their faces, killing eleven humans and countless other species. One year later, the government is trying to put the spin on saying that the Gulf has rebounded, but photographic and personal anecdotes tell a different story. The economic and emotional destruction continues, and still no one is held accountable. Recently, Transocean rewarded its top executives almost a million dollars in “safety bonuses.” Everyone involved in this fiasco deserves a good strong…

Hey – we’re out of time once again! Thanks so much for listening and – as always – we LOVE your comments! Please, watch on YouTube, subscribe in iTunes and LIKE our Facebook page – goodnight!!!

The National Toilet Episode 4 - 4/15/11

It’s time once again for the National Toilet Weekly Podcast!

Episode 4: April 15, 2011

Hello everybody, and welcome to The National Toilet – the podcast where we take the worst of society and flush it down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not The National Toilet for the worst?

First of all, I have good news! As you can tell, The US Budget has been funded for the rest of the fiscal year! In the 11^th hour, Democrats and Republicans reached a “compromise”. The National Toilet is open for business!

Now, the bad news: This so-called compromise has sold the poor, middle class, and environment down the river. $38 Billion in budget cuts, five times larger than any cuts in history. Receiving the axe were cuts to public health ($1B)

The EPA ($1.6B) and high-speed rail projects ($2.9B).  One of the few areas to receive an actual increase? Defense spending is up $5B to $513B. And the fun isn’t over – Coming next month, the US will hit its debt ceiling, threatening its credit rating and solvency unless another “compromise” is reached. Will the US credit go in to the National Toilet? Stay tuned and find out.

Now let’s turn to other matters. In the shithole this week – Johnson & Johnson. This week they ordered yet another recall of one of their products. 57,000 bottles of a popular epilepsy drug because of a strange chemical odor.  This brings the total number of recalls to 22, and the number of bottles to over 300 million.

And as the race for President 2012 begins to heat up, one turd has emerged as a potential candidate. Donald Trump! This failed businessman with the strangest hair this side of Rod Blagojevich, has been upping the rhetoric recently, sparking rumors that he will run, and pumping up ratings for Celebrity Apprentice. The Donald has made a point of questioning Barack Obama’s birth certificate, keeping this non-issue front and center in voter’s minds. This week, Trump blamed “The Blacks” for the election of Obama. We are not going to wait for him to announce his candidacy to (Flush)

And over in Hollywood – trashy literature collides with shlocky Hollywood to produce Atlas Shrugged Part I, the long delayed project written by hack novelist Ayn Rand, who railed against Government and Socialism while secretly taking Medicare and Social Security payments. The Washington Post surmised by saying the movie “is nearly as stilted, didactic and simplistic as Rand's free-market fable.” Speaking of stilted, didactic and simplistic, the movie is being marketed towards the “Tea Party” whose childlike interpretations of The Constitution easily jibe with Rand’s idiocy. Even if this movie doesn’t tank, it is going into the septic tank! (Flush)

Oops – we’re just about out of time again! Tune in next week for another edition by watching on our YouTube Channel – TheNationalToilet, subscribing to the podcast in iTunes, and Like-ing us on Facebook.  Thank you everybody and good night!

The National Toilet Episode 3 - 4/08/11

It’s time once again for the National Toilet Weekly Podcast!

Episode 3: Friday April 8, 2011

Hello everybody and welcome to The National Toilet, the podcast where we take the worst of society and flush it down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not the National Toilet for the…?

Hello?! Ladies and Gentlemen, The National Toilet is one of the first victims of the US Government Shutdown!! (Boo, lights match) That’s right folks, as of this recording the US Government will begin to shut itself down tonight at midnight, barring some kind of last minute deal, which seems more and more unlikely. There’s plenty of blame to be passed around for this fiasco. The Democrats were too scared to pass a budget when they still had the majority, and now Republicans have stubbornly refused any and all compromise – preferring to seize the moment to push their far right agenda by cutting all funding from the Arts and Planned Parenthood. Museums such as The Smithsonian and The National Toilet will begin to shut their doors immediately, followed by other less important sectors of the government such as Medicare and National Traffic Safety. Some 800,000 workers will be affected, threatening the country’s fragile economic “recovery.” The last time the government shut down in 1995, also due to Republican shenanigans, it cost almost a billion dollars. And, while U.S. soldiers engaged in wars around the globe would quickly begin to receive IOUs for their service, the millionaires in the US Senate will still be receiving their paychecks.

And while we’re on the subject of the Government, also in the shitter this week is The Supreme Court. In one of the most heartless decisions in its history, the Court, led by scumbags Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia, ruled that a man wrongly imprisoned for 18 years by prosecutors who deliberately withheld evidence, was due no compensation for his wrongful detention. Thomas and Scalia, already known as the most corrupt and soulless shills ever to serve on the Bench reached a new low with this decision, basing the decision on minor technicalities instead of a human being.

In movie theaters this week, Your Highness opens. The film, whose humorous concept begins and ends with its title, helps Academy Award winner Natalie Portman and Academy Award nominee James Franco continue their short spiral into ineptitude by donning codpieces, horrible accents and agreeing to star in this clunky comedy in the first place, which has some critics wondering if it’s not the worst movie ever. The Hollywood Reporter said the movie falls into such “a deep chasm of such comic lowness after less than five minutes that it's unable to extricate itself.” Well, guess what – we’ve got your deep chasm right here! (flush)

And, lastly, some GOOD News. Fox announced this week that Glenn Beck will be “Tranisitioning off” the cable news station! Paranoid, ultra-right winger and race-baiter Beck will be ending his hate filled diatribe of a show later this year. With his radio show losing stations, crowds at his public appearances dwindling, and his book and movie projects tanking, we are hoping that 2011 is when we finally give him the final transition…!

Well, that’s about it for this week’s edition of The National Toilet! Will we still be in the dark next week, or will those asshole scumbags finally figure out a way to get their shit together and turn the power back on! Until then!

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The National Toilet Episode 2 - 4/01/11

It’s times once again for The National Toilet Weekly Podcast!

Episode 2 Friday April 1, 2011

Hello everybody, and welcome to The National Toilet – the podcast where we flush the worst of society down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not The National Toilet for the worst!

First up, clothing maker Abercrombie & Fitch, retailers best known for publishing catalogues of sexually provocative photos of underage models has come under fire for a new low: selling padded tops in their line of children’s bikinis. Now girls as young as seven years old can have body and sex issues just like mommy! These outfits join the children’s pimp and ho costumes which appeared on the marketplace a few years ago down the flusher.

Meanwhile – jobs! Or lack of. In the April Fools spirit, The U.S. Department of Labor, released their carefully massaged numbers to show 216,000 jobs gained in March. Behind that quote unquote good news is the fact that the U.S. would need to add as many jobs a month until the year 2019 to get back to pre-Recession levels. Since 2007, more than 7 million jobs have been…

Next, in the shithole this week is Kaba, makers of Simplex push-button locks, used in airports, hospitals and police stations around the country. It was revealed this week that the keyless locks, which cost between $200 - $1000 can be easily bypassed, using a common magnet.  A class-action lawsuit accuses the company of deceptive trade practices, common-law fraud, negligence and product liability. Evidence submitted in the case show a person bypassing one of these locks in seconds, using only one hand and a small magnet, and leaving no trace of their break-in.

And – look who’s back! Britney!! It was revealed that Britney Spears had flushed herself down the toilet. That’s right, a scene cut from Jackass 3-D surfaced, showed Britney doing what she does best, bungee jumping while in a porta-potty overloaded with human shit. Why didn’t WE think of this sooner!

And from the Ready-for-the-Toilet-Even-Before-Its-Created Dept – Ex Governor/Bodybuilder/Bad Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is developing a superhero-themed comic book, cleverly entitled The Governator with Ex-Marvel Comic nerd Stan Lee. The comic promises to blend fact with fiction, as it will show Arnold battling crime and other social ills with a secret high-tech crime-fighting center under his house in Brentwood. Hey guys – don’t even bother finishing this one – send it straight to the…

And, finally, are you ready for some SHUT DOWN? That’s right – unless The Republican assholes relent, the US Government will run out of money April 8, and slowly begin to shut itself down. The budget battle, which has been looming for months with the Republicans holding out for more draconian cuts in spending, citing their allegiance to the fictitious Tea Party, which coincidentally held a rally yesterday in Washington. The number of Tea Partiers in attendance? 200. The people’s voice has been heard!

Well, holy shit! Our second installment of The National Toilet is now over. Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/nationalWC and subscribe to this podcast in iTunes. Goodnight!

The National Toilet Episode 1 - 3/25/11

It’s time now for The National Toilet weekly Podcast!

Episode One: Friday March 25, 2011

Hello everybody, and welcome to The National Toilet – the podcast where we flush the worst of society down where it should go… 

First up: It’s only Friday, but already the reviews are in for SuckerPunch, the quote-unquote New action/fantasy movie from asshole Zach Snyder, responsible for such turds as 300 and Watchmen. Now, even the fan boys have turned against him, with the sycophantic Ain’t It Cool News saying “It’s like spending two hours in the mind of a chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy who can’t keep his hands off his thing long enough to hold a halfway decent conversation.” (Flush)

Next, we check in with Spider-Man: Turn of the Dark – perhaps the Worst Musical in the History of Broadway – and that’s saying something! TWO exciting new developments in this turd that just won’t seem to go down. First – another actor injured – that’s right, actress T.V. Carpio – who replaced previously injured actress Natalie Mendoza in the role of Arachne. The show, whose opening has been delayed 5 times, yet still charges premium prices, also fired its choreographer Daniel Ezralo, let go it’s “greek chorus”and this is after giving the boot to its director, Julie Taymor. Spider-Man TURN OFF THIS SHOW.

And in the Shithole this week – General Electric! It was revealed this week that GE, whose motto “We bring good things to life” is in direct contrast to its war making machinery, reported $5.1 billion in U.S. profits. The amount of taxes it paid? Zero. In fact, it actually got a $3.2 billion dollar windfall, thanks to former flushee Charlie Rangel (FX) who extended the tax break in exchange for (FX) after a GE rep literally got down on bended knee.

Meanwhile… war! Or – excuse me – Intervention! As cities and counties go belly up, teachers pilloried and fired, unions busted, America does what it does best (FX). The US launched at least 161 Tomahawk Missiles at Libyan… well it’s not exactly clear WHAT they are firing at… for a cost of at least $1.41 million EACH But, really, that’s just chump change for dollars being poured in to the “real” wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and the “secret” one in Pakistan. Money that is literally being flushed down the… 

And sleaze bag/clothing mogul Dov Charney bubbled up this week, with four MORE lawsuits filed against the American Apparel owner. The company, which takes tacky, outdated, slutty fashions and repositions them as hip with stone-faced girls in Hustler-like positions, is used to such lawsuits from its dictator/owner, as he has been sued at least 4 times before. In an interview, the accuser said: “Mr. Charney, wrapped in a towel, invited her to his bedroom to talk about a job. Once there, she said he undressed her and tried to have sex… and that he tried to take photographs.”

Well, that’s it for now, this first edition of The National Toilet. There’s so much shit out there – let us know what or who YOU’D Please Like our facebook page at facebook.com/nationalWC and post your candidates on our wall.

Until then….