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Friday, April 8, 2011

The National Toilet Episode 3 - 4/08/11

It’s time once again for the National Toilet Weekly Podcast!
Episode 3: Friday April 8, 2011

Hello everybody and welcome to The National Toilet, the podcast where we take the worst of society and flush it down where it should go. We have The Smithsonian for the best, why not the National Toilet for the…?

Hello?! Ladies and Gentlemen, The National Toilet is one of the first victims of the US Government Shutdown!! (Boo, lights match) That’s right folks, as of this recording the US Government will begin to shut itself down tonight at midnight, barring some kind of last minute deal, which seems more and more unlikely. There’s plenty of blame to be passed around for this fiasco. The Democrats were too scared to pass a budget when they still had the majority, and now Republicans have stubbornly refused any and all compromise – preferring to seize the moment to push their far right agenda by cutting all funding from the Arts and Planned Parenthood. Museums such as The Smithsonian and The National Toilet will begin to shut their doors immediately, followed by other less important sectors of the government such as Medicare and National Traffic Safety. Some 800,000 workers will be affected, threatening the country’s fragile economic “recovery.” The last time the government shut down in 1995, also due to Republican shenanigans, it cost almost a billion dollars. And, while U.S. soldiers engaged in wars around the globe would quickly begin to receive IOUs for their service, the millionaires in the US Senate will still be receiving their paychecks.

And while we’re on the subject of the Government, also in the shitter this week is The Supreme Court. In one of the most heartless decisions in its history, the Court, led by scumbags Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia, ruled that a man wrongly imprisoned for 18 years by prosecutors who deliberately withheld evidence, was due no compensation for his wrongful detention. Thomas and Scalia, already known as the most corrupt and soulless shills ever to serve on the Bench reached a new low with this decision, basing the decision on minor technicalities instead of a human being.

In movie theaters this week, Your Highness opens. The film, whose humorous concept begins and ends with its title, helps Academy Award winner Natalie Portman and Academy Award nominee James Franco continue their short spiral into ineptitude by donning codpieces, horrible accents and agreeing to star in this clunky comedy in the first place, which has some critics wondering if it’s not the worst movie ever. The Hollywood Reporter said the movie falls into such “a deep chasm of such comic lowness after less than five minutes that it's unable to extricate itself.” Well, guess what – we’ve got your deep chasm right here! (flush)

And, lastly, some GOOD News. Fox announced this week that Glenn Beck will be “Tranisitioning off” the cable news station! Paranoid, ultra-right winger and race-baiter Beck will be ending his hate filled diatribe of a show later this year. With his radio show losing stations, crowds at his public appearances dwindling, and his book and movie projects tanking, we are hoping that 2011 is when we finally give him the final transition…!

Well, that’s about it for this week’s edition of The National Toilet! Will we still be in the dark next week, or will those asshole scumbags finally figure out a way to get their shit together and turn the power back on! Until then!

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